Namo namo prabhu vakya-mana-atita
I salute and bow to you master, who are beyond speech and mind (beyond my ability to comprehend you, beyond the possibility of expressing in words, your nature and greatness).
Mano-vachanaika-adhar
And at the same time you are the basis of words and of the mind (it is through you as consciousness, my inner reality, that I hear what I hear, that I see what I see, that I feel what I feel, it is thanks to you that I can understand what I can understand, you are the source of all knowledge and understanding in me).
This song of Arati was composed by Swami Vivekananda on his master Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.
It's a song depicting his love and adoration for his master.
It is an expression of the transcendental and immanent aspects of the Lord!
It's a love song.
It is the language of lovers:
I can't decipher who you are. You, who exercise this immense fascination, are a mystery to me. And at the same time I can't live without you, I can't forget you, and I don't see the world with the same eyes as before. I see the world through the lens of this new understanding of Reality and now my life has taken on a new meaning.
This is an excerpt from a song composed by Vivekananda to be sung daily by the then emerging movement among Sri Ramakrishna's disciples. They chanted as they ritualistically offered the five elements to the ashes of the master who had passed on. The arati ritual still uses this hymn today, in all places associated with Sri Ramakrishna, in India and abroad, composed in the language spoken by them, and not in Sanskrit, so that all the people could understand, sing and rejoice with it.
A love song of a young man for his master.
I can't get to know you completely, who are you?
And everything I am and know is thanks to you.
I do not exist without you. I know nothing without you.
You are the source of my life, of my love.
You are in the nerve currents of this body, you are in the encounter between each neuron, in the spinal cord, in sensory perception, in the movement of each muscle, in the hum of the brain, you are in each cell, in the air that runs through me, in the rhythm of the heart and all the pulsation, you are my waters, my fire, my bones, my thoughts and in the interval between thoughts. You are my Everything.
Namo… that word has a wide meaning. From bowing down, bowing, saluting... namo namaha is in so many mantras greeting the deities. Om Namah Shivaya for example. It is the same one that appears in the famous namaste (I salute you, I bow to you). I would say: I love you. Namo. Not me, but you. Namo, namo, love, love.
Spirituality, for me, is this:
Seek that someone who is capable of receiving my love as Ramakrishna received it from Vivekananda.
When I listen to this song, I feel that spirituality is worshiping the master that Vivekananda recognized as The master of all humanity (which is already a great cause of life), but I feel something more. I think of the trajectory of Vivekananda himself. He sought and found. This makes me want to look too. Where is he? I need to scour this planet and find him.
Finding that person, that being, who is capable of awakening love in me and being the receptacle of my dedication and devotion.
Someone I can trust. Fully.
A love for a You, a personal relationship.
Someone flesh and blood, whose skin I can see the lines. And not just worship by imagination. I want to go beyond mantra and visualization of spiritual exercises, I want that someone with texture and warmth. In addition to intellectualizations, I want to find that someone I can silently look at and entrust with all the shells of my affections necklace. Where I can see the play of light and shadow on the skin of your face, the marks of time on your hands, look at your bare feet while my mind travels in the immensity of infinity.
Someone who smiled, a loose smile like a child's.
I want to see. Be in your company. Smile together.
Someone who can be there for me and hold my hand if I am sick or dying or grieving the loss of a family member.
Someone who, when dying, I can live the terrible mourning, and also worship his ashes, alongside my companions. And suffer your absence. I don't want this god always alive and mute.
Love and death. Love and finitude.
In our poor human heart love needs a sense of urgency. And the threat of death is the ultimate catalyst for this urgency. I didn't love an eternal, an always the same. We love endlessly before it's gone. And when it's gone, we love infinitely, love survives death. It is in the tension of finitude that love lives.
People say that when someone dies the bond gets even stronger. The loved one becomes even more present.
Yup. I know your language is silence and darkness. Yup. I know you speak to me through so many mouths and see me through so many eyes. I know that in the fluttering of the little bee's wings, in the blues of the sky, in the red of the dawn on the mountain, in the stars, in the swaying of the leaves in the wind, in the conversations with the child... yes, I know that you are here. But I want you in the flesh.
Until I find that person (and I can't even imagine where they might be on this immense Earth), my spirituality is a desert of disappointment, of melancholy for wanting and not having.
Not finding the right person. My love letters are made up of juvenile poetry. They all came back. And my heart ages without maturing. I'm sad.
My sadness is however an ocean of life. That's where my strength emerges from. It is my disappointment that does not leave me resigned and apathetic. I have to be happy! I still have to really love! I will find that love!
I cannot give up looking for the beloved.
A love that frees and does not imprison.
Which is the source of that innocent joy and not of torments and attachments.
Are you by any chance? Did this letter of mine that you are reading now reach its destination? Are you the master of love? If so, please come soon.
I come from the paths of love.
I am the son of passions and their disappointments.
I am a displicent and ungrateful friend.
I think of all the people I've met, who have passed through my life. So many loves. My life has so much past. But I know that the day of a very present will come.
In the life of a teacher, how many students have passed me by. How I loved them! Where are you going? What did they turn out to be? Did any of them…?
Could it be that my eyes have already crossed yours and I didn't recognize you?
My soul has a thirst...
It is the eternal thirst of the soul to unite with the Supreme! The single minded love that Vivekananda had for Ramakrishna!
Hearing these incidents of adoration and love of Vivekananda for Ramakrishna, of Rumi for Shams of Tabriz, and imagining those of Mary Magdalene for Jesus…
And I think of so many saints and swamis who over the centuries have loved him without knowing him. A few wrote. And they are wonderful. I still imagine the unknowns. How much faith! Is that what I'm missing?
Friend, you have an excess of poetry and a lack of faith. Your mystique of words is empty.
There are those who see it every day.
Could it be that you who read me are one of these? Please teach me.
I still await the look and the call: "come".
I will.
For now I am restless and cry.
I cry for an unknown God.